Personal empowerment is the story of my life. Most children are encouraged by their parents and their peers such as school teachers. My life was never that way. My parents were in a constant state of denial of their own lives and how it was affecting their children. It was easier to blame society and their children than to assume responsibility for their dysfunction.
To add injury to insult the school system 40 years ago was enforcing behavior with the assistance of beating children with wooden paddles. One day a teacher named Mr. Berry had given me 3 swats that literally brought me to tears. I screamed and yelled turning and rolling on the floor in pain. As I laid there in humiliation, I was told to get up and return to class.
Mr. Berry walked into the room with a sense of satisfaction as if he had made the world a better place. The students were terrified and silent, never before had anyone seen me cry over a “swat”. The students watched through the open door, a commonly used domestic terror tactic by most every teacher at Crestwood elementary school.
When I got home that day I was very sore and I pulled my pants down to see if I was still red from the swatting. When I pulled my underwear down I was in a state of total shock. I was completely bruised so badly that the entire wooden paddle left an image of itself. You could see the holes from the paddle on my buttocks. The bruising was so severe and purple the entire image of the paddle was “bruised” into my buttocks.
I was given this punishment in front of another teacher (the witness) and every student in my class. What would be the point of telling my parents? They would defend the school and its system. My father, “Tony” gave them permission to beat me, (swat) , with the wooden paddles “Boards” as much as they felt was necessary, and he did that in from of me with the principal, named Mr. Bear.
They were and still are… “The Board of Education”.
These teachers would stand together unified with their abuse of power. They enjoyed beating children with wooden paddles and it gave them a sense of “personal empowerment”. I have never spanked my children, but people who do…well…My life is an example of how physically hurting a child for the remedy of their beliefs destroyed my life and my self-esteem. It has taken me a lifetime to overcome their abuse, and many others.
However, the teachers that enjoyed beating children with wooden paddles all went home to their families and their lives were just picture perfect. all of their children were privileged in every way. They all had the best clothes, they had their social groups, and of course financially privileged.
Somehow I would feel horrible if I was supporting my family by beating children with wooden paddles to satisfy my own personal issues. Anyone who physically strikes a child has the issues, not the child. These people not only supported their families with their abusive “secret” lives, but they were also all prominent figures in the community. “The most trusted”.
Oddly enough what was truly paradoxical about my early childhood experiences in school was the “cool” kids and the “preppy” kids never treated me much different than anyone else. Of course, they had their groups and their click, but they were really abusive or even disrespectful. Out of respect for Mr. Berry’s daughter “Darby”, I decided to omit her name. ( She was always nice to me, and I seriously doubt she knew the side of her father that I did). In fact, I believe she married a police officer and lived happily ever after.
I wonder how my life would have turned out had I been given that same support? I contribute my P.T.S.D. to abuse from authority, and especially “The board of education I was beaten into submission with”. Ironically, I was severely abused by law enforcement during many periods of my life, “not happily ever after”.
“Bullies” were far and few between 40 years ago and there was always 1, but the adults in that community were taking their own issues out on certain kids, and the long-term effects of their actions, did in fact destroy those children’s lives as a direct result of their abuse. These children already had issues and this abuse from authority at such an early age literally destroyed their faith and trust in authority figures.
One of my best friends named “Trey”, his parents came to the school and threatened to sue the school system if they even so much as disrespected their child, and his mom and dad they better never lay a hand on their son. I told Troy, I wished I had your parents. I loved going to his house, his parents were awesome. He was going to grow up and be a rock star. and his parents encouraged that.
His life went on to one success after another, and he is happily married with children. However, his music career took a turn and he was some kind of country music star in Memphis, kind of like Elvis. He was a very happy and successful young man who came from far less financial advantages than myself.
I know if I had been encouraged to be myself as an adolescent, my life would have been completely different.
All of the teachers took a great sense of pride in beating 3 children specifically, and I was one of them. My life became a life of humiliation and shame with ridicule and rejection. Rebellion against a system of abuse seemed to be my best idea and my only option. I soon became the identity that was imposed upon me. Many teachers said I would never amount to anything, and this was common practice in this school system for kids that had issues.
My life became a hurricane of disaster that lead to being homeless 5 times, incarcerated 9 times, and then incarcerated (forced) into counseling and rehabs, you can think of. I never believed in counseling simply because when I was a little kid my parents went to get Marriage counseling. The psychiatrist manipulated her vulnerability and decided to counsel her, have sex with her, and have my father pay for adultery, (counseling).
During those years of self-discovery and forced state counseling, I discovered that the corruption in that world was as vast as it was in the criminal world. In fact, they were far worse, they were the authorities, they were supposed to be living to a higher standard, not worse. They literally had taken every ethical human right from people such as myself, and released confidential information internationally for financial compensation and “prestige”.Criminals are typically not held to moral standards, but public officials and psychiatrists are some of the most wicked and evil people I have ever had the pleasure to interact with.
Regardless of who you seek for counsel, you will never get permission to be yourself entirely and you will never be cured, you are a customer “their client” or “patient”. There will always need to be another issue that will need to be fixed. Instead of taking their advice, and continuing to financially devastate myself with their “help” would be absurd. I just kept reading my bible the same as I had done all of my life. I have spent my life in prayer. My life is exactly what Jesus said it would be…Difficult.
I was hated by the world…Still am hated by many….
Opposition to society’s “norms” and their “orders” will create persecution….
Oppression and persecution are promised to the Christian…
Here is the reality of the situation….Everywhere in their world, I am never good or great enough…
I do not need their validation, their support, their blessings, their advice, their acceptance or their permission to be myself. My relationship with Jesus Christ is above everything, anything, anyone…The rejection of GOD is my only concern.
My life has been destroyed time and time again…over and over…I had every reason to believe that there either was no GOD, or my life is exactly as GOD had planned…despite what I wanted to do in life.
I was born and raised a Christian, However, my life experience confirms the reality of GOD”S existence to me. I learned very little about Jesus Christ, GOD, and The Holy Spirit in churches. I attended church for nearly 40 years and began reading the bible when I was a very young child.
I have never felt that way from reading the bible. When I read the bible I am led to repent, I am uplifted and validated, I am healthy, happy, whole, and complete. When we look directly to Christ for counseling the holy spirit is there to heal, help, and guide us through the hurricanes of disasters in our lives.
Counselors, psychiatrists, police, school teachers, and even churches and clergy psychologically pressured, persecuted manipulated, forced, and abused me with their beliefs and their protocols. The truth is they got paid regardless of what happened to me, and 99% could have cared less about my future. Others used the positions of power to destroy me and feed their bank accounts on my despair.
Jesus is self-empowerment. Jesus is self-help. The holy spirit will help you above and beyond any clergy, psychiatrist, or public officials. Many times reaching out to people we know in complicated vulnerable times can also lead to disaster.
How many times were you in a crisis and just needed someone to listen to you?
Did they listen, or tell you what they would do if they were you?
They are not you and when they go home, they have no idea what your life is really like.
This causes confusion and can erode our way of thinking. This is where we begin to question ourselves and start seeking help from others. This is the mind-killing trap.
When we are seeking advice from people who are all human with totally different opinions, beliefs, and perspectives, These perspectives and realities are dependant on those people, and may not be the same beliefs or perspectives we have. These are the “Mind Killers”, that cause us to doubt ourselves.
The bible is very clear about self-control, self-empowerment, self-confidence, and to rely on GOD and only GOD. The bible is very clear of the disappointment of mankind and we are not to seek their counsel. We are to seek Christ first in every given situation…
Take control of your life. Refuse to be disrespected at any cost. Better to lose everything in your life than to be reduced to a place in life where we have lost respect for ourselves.
I have recreated my life too many times to count. Each time I survived and recovered, I became stronger and stronger. I created this website so other people can find value in their lives without needing validation from the world we live in. We need to be content with our lives in the eyes of GOD…not mankind.
If I had relied on the “help” of the people in my life…I would be dead today.
The first time I went to trial for the custody of my children I paid $17,000 for an attorney who lost the battle for me and my children. My children ended up having to remain in a severely abusive environment that lead to 150 pages of police reports. The abuse was so bad the police blacked out the details on many reports.
I have had every reason on earth not to believe in GOD, but I have always known and lived my life dedicated to the words that Jesus spoke. I decided to represent myself in court as a “Pro Se” attorney, for the second custody battle.
The second time I went for custody of my children was 10 years after the divorce. I took the bible to court with me, and the holy spirit. I was ridiculed in court for giving away bibles in public when I had no job and no income. I was ridiculed for being a “street” preacher.
The trial was vicious and took nearly a year while the scandals and cover up’s continued to spiral out of control. The trial ended up costing my family another $25,000 that totally financially devastated us again.
Honestly, my life is quite possibly financially devastated for my entire lifetime. I have had several financial disasters. The reality is this…My children and I are a real family. A family who loves and respects the other. We have actual “fun”, and we are content just being ourselves. That is “Priceless”.
After 10 years of police corruption, abuse, violence, scandals, and cover up’s, Me and both my children walked out of that courtroom as a family, evil did not prevail on that day of judgment.
What will their lives become when their day of judgment comes upon them when the political and religious powers are not there to help them anymore?
Let GOD be your vindicator…Galatians 6:7 “They will reap what they have sown”.
My divorce financially devastated my family and accumulated nearly $100,000 in debt as a result of their systems of abuse. Like millions of other Christian homes, my spouse was an adulter, and our lives were destroyed as a result of their actions.
10 years later… my children are living happily and free, and my father and I are closer than ever before. You would never think that it would take 10 years for GOD to answer prayers…Especially after 20 years of oppression, abuse, and injustices of every kind…My faith was much larger than a mustard seed.
Sometimes in life…Jesus is the only one who can help….
“The Freak”
You are an amazing person, and you do not need permission to be yourself. Read your bible, trust yourself, your instincts, and Jesus Christ.