Millions of Christians feel as if they are “trapped” in their own lives. Why does this happen, and how does this occur?
“Millions of people feel as if they are trapped in their relationships, and they are.” WHY?…
Many people’s lives became overwhelmed with unexpected life circumstances such as illness or injuries.
Other people simply made lifetime commitments at an early age in life and now are consumed with unexpected responsibilities. Many people simply got married too young, or just underestimated how difficult, stressful, and challenging parenting, marriage, or relationships could be.
Other people invested years in a job or company and lost everything. Other people are trapped in their jobs or careers because they have too much time invested and are overwhelmed with bills.
Other people feel pressured and trapped in their churches and social environments to become someone they are not. They constantly find themselves making excuses for other people’s behaviors, and letting them devalue, disrespect, or disappoint us in some way.
However, year after year, we eventually see that we are allowing three problems due to fear of confrontation.WHY? Simple…
The confrontation could jeopardize every aspect of your life…And many times your life will never be the same again. When we confront people or situations, this will cause some kind of re-action, and many times…This will be the turning point in your life…or not.
If we do not confront these issues they will continue to erode our happiness, our self-esteem, and every aspect of our lives. This is when we begin to make “poor” personal choices. Overeating, drinking too much, spending money we don’t have. anything to bring pleasure to our “miserable” life.
Misery is a two-way street. Oftentimes, almost every time, We brought these people into our lives because we admired them for some reason. Then as time passed, something changed, maybe them, possibly us, or just life took an unexpected twist.
If we brought them into our lives and we are “miserable”, and we have tried everything possible. is it in our best interest to waste our lives with such dedication to a lost cause?
We could lose our jobs…
We could lose our families…
We could lose our financial support, pensions, or savings…
We could spend years recovering from standing up for ourselves…
What are the other options?…
We could live in denial…
We could continue to take the abuse, manipulation, or pressure…
We could look ourselves in the mirror each day and blame someone else or something…
Personally, I have lost everything and everyone more than one time in my life.
Each time I rebuilt a life from disaster, I knew that it would take many years before I could ever feel “happy” again, if ever.
Every disaster was the end of “My World”…
I lost everything many, many, times. People, friends, loved ones, jobs, bank accounts, houses, cars, you name it… I lost it all.
Every time I made dramatic changes in my life, or I ruined my own life, or another injustice destroyed my life…
I had only two options…
Continue this path of destruction and toxic negativity…
Or change my life.
Make a plan with no finish line…
Never look back…
Every time the decision was made the same way…
My life was already ruined and I was indeed miserable, so why not create a new life out of this disaster. Why not change my life completely regardless of the outcome I have planned…What do I have to lose…The life I hate…?
Either choice I made it was going to be a lot of work, planning, dramatic changes to my life…going backward “Was not an Option”. If I was going to make all the necessary changes to my life at my own expense..I wasn’t wasting one more day of my life in that living hell.
Take it from “The Jesus Freak”… All of this is easier said than done. “The most difficult decision I ever made in my life was to leave my home, my children, my life, and everything I had ever known”…
The reason this was so difficult is that I made an attempt to build an honest life of integrity… Family, friends, kids, a house, vehicles, a career…A regular life.
I never had a regular life, I spent twenty years on one destructive path after another. Many of these paths led straight to jails, prisons, rehabs, all due to traumas in my life I was not confronting.
I realized my life was 1/2 them and 1/2 me. “Not everything was my fault, but everything was my problem”. Life was unfair to me.
In order to be brutally honest with myself, I had to determine what or if the decisions I made were contributing factors to these disasters. Honestly, I had some very good days in prison, especially reading my bible and going to prison church.
“Freedom was a state of mind”, a “perception”…I was reduced to a life in prison and still remained positive, hopeful, and in the very presence of “The Holy Spirit”. However, in my own mind in “The Moment”, I could not understand how or why this kept happening in my life.
I was sent to prison for drug possession charges, marijuana, cocaine, and L.S.D. I am an old-school hippie… peace, love, sex, drugs, and rock and roll, and of course…Jesus. Christians are people too, and we are all human, and we all make mistakes.
Jesus said, “The best of our works are still like filthy rags”, and “Prostitutes will enter the kingdom of GOD before religious leaders do”. I suppose GOD already knew my failure would become my success.
If we are honest with ourselves, we will be able to see many times we invited these issues and something simply does not work. We overcomplicate this as if this life is our only option. As if our lives cannot be reformed, recreated, or even reinvented.
Just because I was married to an abusive, controlling, deceitful person does not mean I was not responsible for this disaster in some ways.
I chose to marry this person.
I really did not love her.
I did not love myself.
I was married less than 4 hours before I realized this was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made in my life.
We both became people we hated from living in denial.
Sometimes there is no solution.
Sometimes there is no way to fix the problems.
I wanted children, and that is all I wanted.
I assure you that this lack of confrontation did contribute to the destruction of our lives.
I did consider artificial insemination long before I ever got married…
I convinced myself I would never be able to afford that.
“You reach a point in your life where something has to change regardless of the consequences”.
If it was an injustice imposed upon me, I could remove myself, even if there were going to be personal consequences.
After being incarcerated 9 times…
After losing my home and my children to a spouse that was abusive, controlling, and sexually unfaithful…
After spending 25 years putting my life back together time and time again…
I spent 10 years dedicated to my self-improvement, and my children. I went back to school at the age of 35 and began building a new life for me and my children. I had Wednesday nights and every other weekend and holiday.
This is a personal hell that would have broken most men, or send them straight into the arms of another woman where he would rebuild his life again at the loss of his own children.
In those 10 years, I accomplished more than I had the entirety of my life.
I had to return my children every week into the same living hell I barely survived myself…
After 150 pages of police reports, years of neglect, and abuse…
After losing nearly $20,000 in attorney fees…
I represented myself in the second custody battle, and confronted every issue in court “Personally”. I won the custody of my children, and none of us ever looked back again.
I never thought it would take 10 years to get custody of my own children who wanted to live with me by their “Own Choice”.
“I did think it would take me 5 years and I was willing to make the necessary changes to see our lives restored someday”.
I knew my life would become a different form of living hell in some ways…
I knew it would cost me my home, cars, friends, family, everything…
I did not sue my spouse for the standard marital 50%…I left with my dignity and a sense of Christian value.
There are no good memories, and there are no bad memories…
You do not remember a life you once had if you are living a life that is future-oriented…
I have been homeless five times…
Incarcerated 9 times…
I have eaten out of the trash…
I have washed myself in restrooms…
I made it through prison without getting stabbed or raped…
I have been abused all of my life…
I have lost houses, cars, bank accounts…
I have lost friends and family….
I do not waste my time thinking about my past, I refuse to dwell on my past for even 1 minute. I do have P.T.S.D. and sometimes It takes a bit longer…Nevertheless, I literally refuse to think about any aspect of my past. Unless there is value in personal accountability.
” It is a part-time job refusing to dwell on the past…The cure…is to focus on our futures”.
A brutally honest “personal inventory” is essential to anyone’s personal success.
This took an entire decade of serious, dedicated, constant, consisting effort.
“I wasted 25 years avoiding confrontations. Lesson learned. Never Again”.
I have always had Jesus.
I have two beautiful children who are now doing very well.
I have my self-respect.
I have dignity and integrity.
I have self-esteem.
I am healthy enough, happy enough, and Free.
I survived.
My children survived.
Their lives are better than ever.
I lost everything too many times to count…
Every time it was “The End Of That World”, GOD brought me to a better place in my life.
Every time It felt like I was never going to get where I was going…
When I got there…Every time It was like hitting “The Mental Lottery”.
“The Freak”